A Closer Look at Protectors in IFS

In IFS, we focus our sessions on working with the Self and with parts. 

The Self is the unchanging, compassionate essence we are all born with. It can be thought of as our higher selves, our true selves, our more spiritual part, or even the observer/witnesser.  When we are born it is strong and present, but over time it gets dimmer or hidden as life becomes more difficult and complex. By the time we reach adulthood, many of us have forgotten how to access this essence, and may have even forgotten what it feels like to be connected to it.

We are also born with parts, which are full of joy, curiosity, creativity and kindness. These help to make up our personality and the way we think, feel, react, and behave. Along the way, parts can pick up burdens like shame, fear, loneliness, lack of self worth, feeling overwhelmed, and emotional pain. Parts pick up these burdens when something traumatic happens, often in childhood. There can be big trauma, like a death in the family, or small trauma, like being told to toughen up and stop crying, when what is really needed is something else (like a hug). 

Protectors are parts that are created to help protect us from the pain we felt in that situation. We refer to the part of us that felt that pain as exiles, because that pain is often hidden away somewhere and suppressed. Protectors all have good intentions, no matter how extreme they might be. They often feel that if they stop doing their role, then we will feel that pain again and everything will fall apart. They are often unaware of Self, and feel that everything falls on them, and they are alone in their role. Their main job is to help protect our inner world from feeling those painful emotions again. 

A couple analogies I find helpful are thinking about a classroom full of children, some of whom are scared and alone and hiding in the corners, and others who are loud and outspoken and trying to create order but don’t have the wisdom or the tools to do. There is no wise adult anywhere to be found, and so the classroom falls into chaos. In this scenario, the children are the parts, and if a wise teacher did show up, that would be the Self.

More about protectors

Protectors fall into two categories:

Managers:

They try to prevent us from feeling pain that has been buried deep inside. They are afraid that if we felt that pain, we wouldn’t be able to handle it. Since most exiles are young children, the protectors are usually young as well.

 When that emotional pain first happened, it felt overwhelming and consuming, and to  parts, that pain is very threatening. Managers do their best to prevent that pain from happening as a way of keeping someone safe. Managers are usually not aware that there is a Self, and feel that they have all the responsibility to keep things running smoothly.

Managers are usually the parts that we show to the world the most, they organize and plan and predict outcomes so that they can prevent those dangerous emotions from coming up. Managers make sure that we do certain things to prevent the pain – like making sure everyone likes us so we don’t feel the pain of rejection. Or staying really busy so we don’t have time to think/feel about something that happened in the past. Or keeping really fit so that we don’t have feelings of being unattractive and unwanted. 

Other Examples of managers include accomplishment seekers, shy parts, bossy parts, conflict avoidant parts, overly organized, etc.

FireFighters:

Firefighters also have the same goal of protecting us from feeling those dangerous feelings, but they are much more reactive. They are the parts that come up once the emotion has been triggered and they will do everything they can to quell that emotion (put the fire out, so to speak). 

They tend to be more impulsive and uncontrollable than the managers.

Examples include binge eating/drinking, cutting, angry outbursts, violence, extreme avoidance behaviours, shutting down emotionally during conflict, etc.

How to work with protectors:

The goal of working with protectors is not to get rid of them, but to help them become more balanced and not feel that they are doing everything on their own. 

IFS does this by first getting to know them with curiosity and openness. Parts want to be heard and understood, and they are often very surprised to discover that they are not alone and that you are no longer a child. 

Once they learn to trust you, they can relax in their roles and let Self lead more. They will also eventually let you talk to the exile, and in doing so you can unburden the exile and heal it. Once the exile is healed, the protector is no longer so focused on its role, and can take on a new role within your system. When it does that, lifelong problems can disappear rather quickly, as you have now integrated the exile and the protector.